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How to set boundaries in your life


Date Posted: 9/8/2011 3:30:26 AM

Posted By: Wishstar  Membership Level: Gold  Total Points: 7507

A boundary is an invisible property line which demarcates the space for which we are responsible. Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy lifestyle. This unseen but real boundary line defines who we are and who we are not.

The boundaries can be:

1. Physical- Who may or may not touch us

2. Spiritual- Delineates God's will from our will

3. Emotional- We own our emotions and should disassociate from others unhealthy emotions.

4. Mental- We own our thoughts, feelings and opinions which are distinctly our own.

Through the diffusion of healthy boundaries, one's lifestyle becomes far removed from satisfaction or order, nor is it pleasing to God.

* When we cross our spiritual boundary, we sin.

* When we cross a physical boundary, we migrate into another person's turf and relationships are troubled or injured.

* When we cross an emotional boundary we violate another person's freedom.

* When we cross a mental boundary, we invade another's freedom of their own thoughts.

* When we cross another's boundary, we take away their distinction as a special human entity as we all allude to.

* When another crosses our boundaries, we may lose our individual liberty or identity, which ushers in a whole new set of problems.

People should have high self-esteem in order for their boundaries not to be crossed. A low self-image allows others to cross their line and yours. Also, altered self-images possess boundary diffusion, which leads to relational problems to every degree.

Basing on boundaries, we tend to fall into one of three models of behaviour.

1. The passive person- allows another person to cross his/her personal space physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. This leads to frustration because they allow others in the relationship to behave in ways the don't approve.

2. The assertive person- has a healthy relationship with others, settting appropriate boundaries. This leads to peace.

3. The aggressive

person- forces his/her values and behaviours on others which creates tension in the relationship.

The assertive model is the Christ-like model which leads to healthy relationships. Christ was assertive in his lifestyle.

As we assert ourselves, we promote healthy relationships, actually settling matters before they become issues of unresolved conflicts.

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