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The secrets to building a lasting and happy relationship


Date Posted: 1/14/2014 12:29:26 AM

Posted By: bona1990  Membership Level: Bronze  Total Points: 97

To maintain a lasting, healthy and fulfilling relationship, you need the magic wand called emotional intelligence. The success of your relation will depend on both who you are and what you do. This is because most people focus upon finding the right partner more than they do focus on being the correct partner. To become successful in your relationship, you require more than just necessary skills. You can have things work well in your relation if you use your emotional intelligence and keep improving on it. Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor you own feelings and emotions and those of others, discriminate between them, and then use this information to guide your thinking.

One way of having your relationship running more smoothly is through sharpening your ability to read as well as understand your spouse’s feelings. In essence, you should both have the capacity to understand your emotions and those of your partners and use reason in dealing with this emotional information. Your emotions are useful in organizing and guiding your thoughts and actions. You should both use your emotions as a resource in solving the problems in your relationship.
Another way to have your relationship improved is by both of you having more positive interactions than negative and being more optimistic with regard to the relationship. You should both be determined to be positive. Struggle to be optimistic about the future and about each other.
Things will get improved for both of you if you both read your spouse’s signals more accurately. Both of you will feel better if you show your spouse that you are tuned in to him or her. Know each other better and see yourselves more realistically. Each of you needs to look in the mirror and see how you make things worse

when you let your emotions run rampant and you are not tuned in to each other. You should see each other and your relationship more positively and feel more empowered.
Things will get better if both of you could clearly recognize and then appropriately convey your own emotions. You should use your social intelligence, which is a subset of emotional intelligence. This is the ability to perceive your own internal states, behaviors and motives and those of your spouse; and act towards them based upon that information; and relate to your partner effectively.
Things will improve to the better if both of you show more compassion and empathy for each other. Lack of compassion and empathy for your partner can make things worse. You should be able to respond with sincere empathy to your partner. Avoid putting blame on each other and hear what he or she is saying. Be open to learning, and be willing to change in order to make things work between both of you. A transfusion of emotional intelligence into your relationship could help you save it. You are less likely to become depressed if you are more capable of showing empathy for each other.
Hanging both in there and being enthusiastic or persistent in solving problems during the hard times would make things easier for you. Both of you should be persisting regardless of the tough work it requires. In other words, you need to both develop more emotional intelligence and use it.
Managing your emotions can also make it work. Learn to tune in to yourself, including your body, when you are upset; to center yourself; to stop and take a breath; to identify as well as change your feelings and thoughts; and to make varied choices regarding how you react. This can significantly improve your relation and make it run more smoothly.

To build a truly satisfying relationship, each of you has to put together every effort to act, feel, and think in a mature way possible. These include:
- Being civil, patient, and kind
- Settling differences and handling frustration in non-destructive ways
- Being ready to postpone gratification
- Taking accountability for your attitudes, actions, and feelings
- Using perseverance in presence of setbacks
- Being humble and capable of saying, “I was wrong” or “I am sorry”
- Facing unpleasantness with no bitterness

Lastly, it would feel better if both of you admire and value each other more. Through using your emotional intelligence, you can have things work this way. Use your emotional intelligence and improve on it during times of frustrations in your relationship. All the marriage enrichment programs, communication workshops, and conflict management classes in the globe would not help you without your use of emotional intelligence. This is because the presence of emotional intelligence is a more influential factor to a happier relationship than socioeconomic or education status. If both of you use your emotional intelligence you will be surprised at how successful and fulfilling your relationship will become.

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