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The ridiculous Nairobi By-laws


Date Posted: 11/7/2012 1:54:45 AM

Posted By: fly1234  Membership Level: Bronze  Total Points: 15

When i watched news a couple of weeks ago, i couldn't resist the urge to laugh it out. So i was left wondering how am supposed to behave in this small yet confined world of the Nairobi CBD. I was informed that even if am thirsty to the point of death, i should not buy a bottle of Dasani water from a hawker in the streets. Perhaps, the council presumed that i, plus any other Nairobian would litter the streets with these empty bottles.

So every time i walk along the streets, i am compelled to keep to my best behavior, watching out so that the arm of the law doesn't catch me pants down. A friend of mine was once nabbed by the 'askaris' because of not obeying the traffic lights. I was left wondering because for one, some of those lights never work, prompting the police to control the traffic at certain points in the city. So how am i supposed to obey a malfunctioning robot for a traffic light?

The city council will not excuse you for not having a handkerchief. Blowing your nose carelessly could land you in jail or earn you a clean Ksh 2000 fine. So if you are too broke to afford one, you better look for a clean rag somewhere to keep your cold flu at bay.

Oh, they(city council askaris) love you so much. They don't want to lose your taxes which you have been paying faithfully and diligently. Let them catch you in the act of smoking a cancer stick in the streets. They will slap you with a handsome fine of Ksh 2000 to discourage you from smoking. They say you are polluting the air, which otherwise is already polluted by factories in Industrial Area.

If you have a car, they dare you

to ride on warn out tires. You don't want to obliviously play with a Ksh 10,000 fine. I told you that they still need you so badly, to preserve you so that they can benefit from your pockets.

If you are going to keep dogs that over-bark(if such a word exists)extended hours, prepare for a rude shock. This is a city where ignorance can cost you up to the last penny. They will charge you for disturbing your neighbours. I find it funny because dogs will bark when they sense insecurity, how are you supposed to control that?

It is a requirement that every residential house should have a security light at the front door. Very important when it comes to police investigations. These fellows want to ensure that you catch a glimpse of the rogue trying to attack you right at your doorstep.

If you burn garbage or clean up the neighborhood, they arrest you for assuming their role. So if you have a PHD in environmental Science, this isn't the place to meet theory with practice.

Now you know, this is not a comprehensive list of the by-laws. Check their website for more information.

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